Stuff Normal People Like

You’d be hard-pressed to find a normal person smoking a cigarette in an everyday setting.  Driving to and from work, you’re far more likely to see them bobbing their head, mumbling half the words to a Dave Matthews song.  In fact, normal people are more likely to criticize smoking on some arbitrary basis like “health” or “morality.”  But give them a shot, and it’s straight to a night of bumming cigarettes and a morning of sore throats.

Analyzing the spatial layout of a kegger, you’d find the normal people smoking on the fifth concentric layer.  The cherries of their cigarettes are easy to spot for their unique shape, as a normal person has little to no idea what the proper technique for ashing a cigarette is.  They usually end up with an uneven burn or an asymmetrical cone.  With enough alcohol, they may even smoke a cigarette backwards.

And though it may seem contradictory, normal people do have a preference of cigarette in Marlboros.  This phenomenon is due to subliminal branding from their childhood, which was likely filled with normal parents who normally smoked during a normal period of time when it was completely normal.  Studies show that social smokers tend to live longer than loners, and normal people enjoy both living and friends.